24 Apr EXPLORING THE POWER OF EMPATHY

Hello All!

I recently had a painful experience happen over social media for the first time ever. It reminded me of two very important things…the power of shame and stronger power of empathy.

I rarely share or comment on social media but there was something posted that stimulated me into action and I revealed something that made me a target for people’s fear and judgement. What I received from people, who were total strangers, was an attempt to mock and shame me as a way of expressing their feelings and values.

At first I was shocked. I could feel the beginning of shame and embarrassment creep in. Then I started to notice a very familiar and old habit…I started judging them and rather than feel shame I began to feel anger.

I was brought to another place I know well…a choice point, a moment frozen in time…a place n-between a painful stimulus and a habitual response. Through years of practicing Compassionate Communication (NVC) and probably by the grace of something bigger than me, I recognized what was going on and that I did have a choice.

I began to try and connect with the feelings and needs of the people who made these comments rather than take them personally. I began to hear the fear, sadness, frustration, confusion, and shock they may have been feeling. I could now connect with their needs for safety, empathy, understanding and the wellbeing of the world.

My hurt was still there but I didn’t feel the isolation of thinking I was being attacked anymore. Instead I felt sad at seeing how our conditioned way of responding when triggered, rather than being able to communicate our feelings and needs, can create so much pain and dis-connection.

It was a potent reminder of the power of empathy. I hope this encourages you to find a relationship or an exchange that has been painful and see if rather than hearing the criticism, you can connect with the deeper message behind the words…read between the lines and hear the other person’s heart.

Yours in Warmth,

Tony